My life has become disorganized; no that is not right. It is my thoughts. The well ordering of my thoughts into a clear line of concentration is scattered like ashes of wisp of dreams. A moment, a thought, a picture will enter my mind. I can feel the curve of it. It licks my emotions tantalizing my feelings forward to a line of imagination. But then the thought, the impression, falters and shatters into many broken fragments.
My mind wallows in the pieces desperately trying to put it all back together. To reform the image that began so clear of purpose and direction. Tendrils of dark mood swell up from depths dark and uninviting. They snatch away the pieces of thoughts and suck them down greedily in to its dark maw. With each piece gone the thought becomes less clear. It slowly fades from near ecclesiastical brilliance to the hazy dimness of remembrance.
I am pressed down by the sticky tendrils swirling about me. I begin to sink into the inky blackness and drawn deeper into its chaotic fragmentation. Fragments of thought swirl by. They glitter with the promise of sanity. I reach out to touch but they slip away as water running through the hands. Each drop a cherished moment.
What little perception is left is now thick. I concentrate within the now. I focus on singularity. One word, one pixel of thought. I hold it close. I grasp it tight and stare into it with intensity. I’ve stopped falling into the abyss but I do not notice. With forcefulness I stretch the word. It pull it into more. It becomes fuller, deeper and richer. From one word I add another and then more. The thought fragments stop their dance and swirl and float towards me as if suddenly interested in a new thought.
They come closer and join with my words. I notice I am no longer falling and now I put thought to action and begin to glide. I turn my thoughts upwards towards the nothingness that was before. Fragmented images trail behind my thought words. They are racing with and towards me up out of oblivion.
I am now thinking. I think that my life has become disorganized; no that is not right. It is my thoughts. My thoughts….